I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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