If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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