new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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