I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
