Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
