No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I could fuck to npr.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
