Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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