This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
