Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
