Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize