Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
