well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
