Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
