he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
