I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
