She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
