hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
