I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
