i wish my penis had a tongue
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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