You smell like stripper and shame
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
