I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
