you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
