If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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