We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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