just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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