peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My life is pants optional.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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