We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
