weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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