I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
