she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
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this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
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Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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