i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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