i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
