why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You are a genius and a whore.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
