I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
