i was born a porn star she said
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
