So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize