She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
