He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I need moral support for this bender
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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