Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize