Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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