Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
