Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
