Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
