addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
