Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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