Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
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It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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