I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
