he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
