I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize
