I just saw a hot homeless man
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
How external is "for external use only"?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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