my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
