my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
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