I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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