U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
