This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
