theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
