another moral hangover. fuck.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
