My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
