Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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