I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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