I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
