You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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