it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
