at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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