I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
