Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
