just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
FUCK WHALES
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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