my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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