I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
