there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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