officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
