I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
