Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
